~Bungalow Stay In Batu Ferringi , Ferringgi Villa ~

Today is a good day, and i wish these few days will be the same. No rain, only sun , clouds and strong blowing wind. That will do i wish...

I wake up to go Morning market to meet my friend Amorse to get my little box. yea.. Little box for my Christmas Gift. ^^ Fully Christmas Theme. After that i went back home, sleep. 9am make a morning call to her... then sleep again. 

Lol... Piglet... No choice, i must fully utilize my holiday before i start to work. xD


10am, wake again. Oh no ! i forgot to wrap my gift ! alamak ! Quicky depart to Lay Chia's house and find way to settle it.


After i reach, i receive a message from Laychia, the message said... She is not coming  #! ! 
what ? she is not going ?! Oh no! wait.. i haven't finish the message.
I now going to fetch her. phew... 


Kugen came so does the others... ok.. the we start our engine to destination. What a jam... hate it.. Beach Carnival.. too crowded... 


Take around 1 hour to reach there. 


So funny, Pn.Idawati come out and shake hands with me and Kugen. 
You are .. ?   Kugen
And you are... wait, you look so familiar, i see you before didn't i ?
Yes teacher, I'm the only upper 6 wearing Police Uniform everyday Wedesday... .remember ?
Oh... yes yes ! i get remember now...
>.< .... 
After she guide us around the house.. all we can describe the house is just a word: WOW...  hey  reader, I'm staying overnight in a Million Dollar house Amigo ! A million Dollar bungalow !


After settle down, the "kitchen crew" begin to cook, others watching Hong Kong Drama.. then around, we all heading to the beach, cause we bought a... Fibrees .i don't what word is that.. 

What on earth, i have a reunion with my old friend , Quah Jun Ling... long time no see since standard 6. no wonder her face looks so familiar. hmm...


have a walk.. then .. play ! lol.. Why i'm so tall ? i have to be monkey all the time =.=

Really quite enjoy to play at the beach.. just , until now, i still wonder why Kugen wants to push me into the water. =.=|||

At night, we have BBQ and steamboat .. hmm hmm.. I had the most delicious BBQ chicken in that night. Walao ! is the only word i can describe the chicken. xP


Exchange Gift Time ~
I get a dozen of the... Jelly. Not what I'm expecting... but never mind. Quite delicious .
The others praise me for my... Gift. So Christmas Theme... i surprise for been praise for their reaction. really I do.


The next day morning. lol.. Kugen's car is naughty. The remote is dead. O shit. he drive his car to .. somewhere i don't know to get it fix. So funny. 


12pm... we need to get all the Cinderella out of the bungalow now. haha. Pn.Idawati is satisfy with our performance and she no need to clean the house again. hmm hmm.. Thanks teacher ^^


What a nice holiday ^^ wehee ~

~ Finally, It's Over ~

Finally, STPM is over. It won't trouble me anymore. Not anymore. My time has come ~ ^^


After all  those heavy rain and storm that hit me down again and again. It's over. Wuhuu !!


What should i do in these 6 months leh? Lots of time lo ~ Others not studying eh.. Envy leh ? hahaha


It's time to untied the Hungry Lion that had been imprisoned for the whole year, been keep away from Games, Enjoyment, Entertainment.. Wuhu... 


Here I come ,World, Rawr !

~Almost Reach the Line ~

Uh-huh.. almost there. another week to go then STPM is done. forever. 

Only a few weeks.. but seems like a month for a day in that damn classroom, sitting on my place, answering the "forever never get 100%"  questions. 
Few hours  are just like few days. 

These feeling is much worse than SPM. o God. i pray that what I write on all the papers for the pass few weeks are enough for me to enter University and take the course i want. 

Phew. It's ok for now. Preparing for Account paper 2 since paper is a "SayoNara" already. haha

Keep it up guys, Let's Go

Wind is Blowing

Wow... it's been a long time since i last wrote my blog. Suddenly have the feeling to write again haha ^^

today is Chee Choong's Birthday 14/11. 
Happy Birthday Chee Choong ! can't celebrate with you this year, pay back after my STPM ok ? paiseh hah >.<

Just finish MUET test yesterday 13/11. 
Yesterday MUET test day is KokWai's birthday. happy Birthday ! 19 liao ! haha. Wish you happy, good luck in STPM & MUET and wish your PC "recover" faster la. haha



hmm.. so strange feeling la these few months, specially August... i'm like thinking of someone everyday. LoL...


Cheh Cheh Cheh... Don't spend too much time in here now.. STPM is 1 week away, Gosh ! ! Good Luck  to Everyone who is taking STPM & SPM ! ^o^

~Friends ~

Many friends people will have, this is true somehow.. no doubt.

Friends,most of them help you whenever you need them, cheer you up when you are sad. Guide you along when you are lost.
They will stay inside your world for along time or even entire life.

but somehow, some friend are just a passenger in your life. They just enter into your life for now. But then someday, without any reason, they will fall back away from you or even wanders away.

Nothing in this world last forever. Even now you are best friend. But due to some incident and reason, you will argue, you will fight. Your friendship loosen in each argument.

All this is actually depend on your thought. If you wanna make the friendship better, you will do your best, not to break it meanwhile you strengthen it.
If both of you think that doesn't really matter.. then day-by-day... the chain will loose.

haih... don't wanna talk too much of this. STPM is near too.
Can't risk my life and time doing all this. 


Will continue to write more after STPM.


o ya. happy Merdeka. Happy 1 Malaysia ! 53th Anniversary of independence! I wish all Malaysian will have no conflict and will be a peaceful country in the very soon future. 

~ Commander- Guards of Honour ~

Today is 24/7/10. Hari Kecemerlangan  for MBS School

I'm suppose to be in school on 7.15am. But for God sake. My handphone's battery is out since last night. Argh !

I woke up on 7.30am. Ah !! 
Dato will be arrive in 8.00am Oh no ! I rush up , Rush to brush my teeth and bla bla bla. Depart in 8.00am. 
Oh gosh.. Sure i'm going to be embarrass in front of everyone right now.

Arriving in School 

Phew .. when i arrive in school , just 8.14am . something like that. and the Dato still haven't arrive. wah ....i quickly adjust my police uniform. phew... 

It's so hard to have a chance to report the Dato as the Commander of the Guard of Honor.
Selamat Pagi Dato...


After that, in the Shaw Hall
The Dato and  Encik give some speech. After that will be price giving 
Yeh Chern, Lay Chia, Joo Tiew, Yi Feng, Ah Kek, Bee Lin, Chee Yeang, Sze Pei, Chi Min, Felicia, Hui Ying and Me gets the price too, but different category. 
heh. Ah Kek ask me wanna wear cap or not. i say: you wear , i wear. he said ON .
he wanna play hormat with me on the stage, haha, no worry, i will take up the gauntlet with you .

A funny thing happen when recieving the price. when Sze Pei is just about to recieve price, she march to the Encik. But when She was about to tap. Her shoe fly off. hahaha ! So funny that moment, whole hall was looking.

After that, I request to leave because ChungHwa Police team has a training and i gotta go there to train them. 

Happy today  ~ 

God Bless and Take Care 

~Alone Now = What's next ? ~

So many undesired things happen lately...

I try so many ways to get past it, but still I found no way to do so.

I change my place to the front.
Is a good thing ? Yes...
Is a bad thing ? Yes too

Why ?

Bad thing first.
I start to talk lesser in class with LayChia, Lina, Chung Lee and the gang back there.
I just change and talk to Yi Feng. And the conversations are only about homework and fencing cases.


Good things are :
I talk lesser to everyone now... I can concentrate to do things on my own.Lesser stupid "counseling" session to my friends due to their Relation problem. Lesser problems I get from them, the happier I am.


Even yesterday I go watch Predator.. I go alone and watch alone. It's so nice, that I don't need to depend on friends to watch this, do that, walk here, walk there, eat that eat this, follow the team.
blah...
Wasting my time with them.
I walk alone, go and peek around in Borders for new interesting books. Just for a book, i have standing there for about an hour.


If I was with my friends... surely they will say I'm so boring for reading such boring books.
Of course boring. Cause you don't know me.


haih...
It's ok actually. Along with you guys makes me feel I'm worthless.
I'm might be a burden to you all. 
It's ok..
Gonna be end soon.


I away from you all. tata...


Hmm... I want to get used  to be alone. It's good for now.. but what happen next ? haha..
nevermind la.

Alone in everything is better.

~ Perhaps ~

Perhaps, I should not lend a hand in the very first place. 
     So that no one will think I'm just an extra hand in the second place.

Perhaps, I shouldn't have to help anyone at all.
     So that I will not be a rubbish bin to them in the end.


Perhaps, I should not teach them to think.
     So that I don't have to think of solution of their problems later.


Perhaps, I should not help them to analysis at all.
    So that I will not cause problem for myself later.


Perhaps , I should Have Let them to Die and rot.
   So that I don't need to care about their lives at all.


Perhaps , I should not be doing good at all.
     So that I am not bad when I did wrong. 


Perhaps......
   I should have stand on my own ground and mind my own business will do. All these are just another ways to put pain on my own ass.



I...


Regret... 

~ Eat Shit Night "

Haiz.... supposely have meeting with f5 frens eh.. manatahu.. weather not good.. cancel lo.
then Chee Yeap come my house.. chat till 2300 hrs like tat.
Go Jelutong Nasmir eat.
Just reach nia Football match finish.

Eat n chat till around 0200 hrs. go home lo..
then ok ... show start oredi :

Reach home, check pocket for my keys, i found out.. i don't have any keys in all my pocket... o no...

And i use the Key locker on the door...
ho sheh liao... i stuck outside my own house.

I send msg to my brother to come over in the morning. Mean while i much more like a Survivor. Join up all the wood n use the cloth with water to join it up..
so IF i get my shirt hanger, I will be in the house then.

But after i try for 1 hour. I used all  the resources around, but still I cant reach the shirt hanger.. haih.. give up.... I sleep in front of the door from 4am to 8 am
hah... 
I saw Wei Chuen's dad come out.. i think he should be wake up already. call him for help... Coz i found out... morning time i have stomach ache.. >.<..

finally brother come...  open the door for me...

walao... i wasted whole night for stuck outside my own house.. Argh ! Never happen again  I swear !

~Start The Count - 126 Days Left ~

Today They ask me go for apartment-stay on 24/7 Saturday.

I so wish I can go. but i have to work-hard every single day. Every moment counts. I cannot loose my hand as the consequences is very terrible.

Even though they are right : Just come out for 1 day, that won't waste much of time right ?
We can only go out now or after 4 months (after STPM) .


yea.. indeed it won't hurt much to me.
But..

I really can't go out anymore. My mum said to me if i could not enter University... all hope is gone.. your family cannot afford you to study College. You are on your own.

If I couldn't enter Uni... I'm a nothing to all my relatives and friends. All my brother's result were top, and mine is the worst among them. My big brother was top, my second brother was top too. my third brother enter U.Just me...


I feel so hard...
don't know what to do. I wish I can go apartment stay with them but my mum insist me to stay.


You all have the very big chance to enter U already. Top in class... another 1 is half way already. Another 2 can afford themselves to overseas. I cant ! If i fail... I have no future anymore damn it....


I'm sorry....

~ Why ? ~

I moody.. really.... no body understand the reason when i told anyone of you.. so what for I telling you all the problem or share to you all ?
You just don't understand !

Now.. only 1 person who is totally understand why I'm so moody all the time. He meets the problem as well.. But just a small part similar to mine...

Really no one understand me... Why... ?

perhaps.. is me the one not understandable for you all....

~ Slap Me ! ! ~

If anyone here thinks that I have been so annoying or so moody... 

Well.. all you have to do .. is just raise up your hand.. then at all of your force.. Take a Big Slap on my face. I will not fight back. 

If I have been always like that.. well.. no need to call me out also.. Is good for all sides.. You all no need see my stupid face and i no need to show my ugly face to you all.. spoil your mood that day. 


Ok ?

~Busy Life Still on Going~

Hm... i wondering why... I'm so busy lately... I'm like.... every moment has its own purpose to spent.

My aunt was sick last week... i should be at KL last 2 week. But due to my greed of fun with my friend. I wasted my time here in Penang. 1 week time.

But when I get KL and meet with my aunt. I have 2 feelings come to me at the same time. First was, i feeling great as my aunt has already recover from her illness.. Second was my brother.
I just learn that my brother is an ASSHOLE. My aunt was sick, but he not just didn't help her clean the house but also pass all the ironing job to my aunt. She was sick ! God damn it !
Ironing the shirt, buy your own lunch, and going to work ... all these just simple things but he still insist my aunt to do all these for him.

A General Manager for the most popular Clinic Mediviron in the Entire KL is ironing all the shirts for a small tiny Human Resource Manager. All these make sense ??
Hope he will learn afterwards that my aunt will not going to help him do all these. because i tell my aunt to be so CRUEL. ^^
am i Cruel enough ? or i want to help him ? who knows ? Only i know ^^

~Relay for Life ~

Relay for Life

On 5th n 6th of June this event was.
Well.. I actually didn't plan to participate this event at all..
for GOD sake. Why would someone participate this boring event at the 1st day of your holiday. Would you ?

Well.. my very 1st thought is : No... I'm not going.. is for Cancer ... I'm not having cancer .there are not relation between me with cancer.

On the other hand. I rejected this thought.
My inner voice tells me: Yes.. even though it didn't related Directly to you, but to your surrounding and life. 
My 2nd grandma was a cancer patient and she died of the pain of cancer. I cannot imagine the pain inside my stomach. She died on 26/10/2007. I could still remember.
My good friend, Gabriel Seow was also a cancer patient- Blood Cancer.

He has been through a hard time but still he cannot make it through his birthday and Christmas.  He died 2 days after 2009 SUKMA finished.. He died after my competition was finish. 7/12/2009. I could still remember...

Thats the two reason why i participate Relay for Life.

My classmates join too. I also need to thank them for joining in as a same team.

These are my School and Classmates ~

Hope I'm still around when next Relay for Life is coming

~ Tormented SouL ~

There is no one can lend a hand;
          Not even my dearest friend.

It feels like my heart, been tear apart;
          It feels like nothing to hold, my shapeless soul.

Now I'm Lost, In the dark and chilling night;
        Many came across, but none was my Knight.

No Where for me to hide, not even the raising Tide;
       no way to avoid, away from this cold void.

My worry, still in my memory;
     no one hear my voice, amng all the noise.
        
But i know, that my soul , will be rescued one day
       When the Skies are brights and stars are array...

~ Haunted Once More ~

Oh ...no.. my heart... pain again... argh ....

The pain come back to haunt me.. why...?

Can't sleep well.. I only can rest my mind after few hours of pain in the cold, chilling night...like a man loses his heart in the sea.... Helpless... 

There will be no answer for this pain ... Only silence and void... be the answer for my torment ...

~End of Torment ,Begin of Joy~

Finally, here comes to the end of these 3 weeks of torment...

coming up would be my STPM Trail , well , don ask what i feel.. i just gonna asnwer : No comment.

Just lend Chee Yeap : Call of Duty 4 n 6.  haiz.. hope u can upgrade yourself in time la. haha

2 weeks of holiday.. is my time to release my stress again.. but not for long for sure as time do not allow me to do so.
Long rest leads to laziness and failure.. I cannot rest for too long.

Must keep my mind on guard all the time.



Yeah ! New Phone ! I got 2 phone with 1 same number...

Nokia 5800 and my SE K700. wo hoo.. i cant use them when ever i like .. ^^ keke.. lots of function than K700 for sure.
Lets get started !

~Sergeant ~

After all these years, i have finally reach the rank i wanna be. I have wait for so many years for these days. 

I have went to Pinang Federal Reserve Unit (FRU) to take my test. 


Thanks to my Commanding Officer Insp/K Cikgu Firdaus and Insp/K Cikgu Hanisha. 

Now.. I'm a Sergeant  Cadet already. 


What i have dream when i was Form 2 in 

ChungHwa has finally come true...

Even though is a bit late for me to be a Sergeant, but I'm quite satisfy with what i have now. 
I still have my duty to teach the others to be another Sergeant after me.

OoRah !

~~A Successful Gathering~~

8/5/2010 Saturday
Is been a long time since my form 5 classmates meet together. 5T1 gathing at 金火涡. 2 Years has pass since 2008 we in the same class, having fun together, playing together.

 Now.. everyone has their own path to go. Some Still studying, Some are already working , some are married, some are great cook... but no matter what.. we are like a big family.

Few cannot make it but i think they really wish they could come. Because we had so much fun last night.

James Lee,Rachel, Edwin, Chee Choong ,Ah Xu and Chin Yong

Billy, Chee Choong and the Girls

Brothers

Everyone, Happily yeah ^^

My gathering with them , makes me feel young again like 17 years old only. hehe..

When will the next gathering be?

~Almost~

Today talk with Laychia in school during MUET lessons.
I really feel disappointed with what she told me.

That moment i nearly drop my tears infront of her.

I'm stubborn... i admit my character...
But i really cant find a way to my problems.
Not that i don't want to be Happier... is i really don't have the mood for smile and laugh.
My mum ask me a question last night: You burrow the jacket from your brother... you buy your fencing set.. but end up you didn't even get to use them... you just wanna own them. Why?

Yea? You don't know why?
Ok.. i tell you why.. Cause i don't have anything left for myself !
You guys keep putting me into trouble and i have to sacrifice my time with my friends just to stay at home let you all lecture me for some stupid reasons? End up again you said is my fault to everything?
You can't even feed yourself with what you have learn and you said you actually can earn lots of money ? Come on... now i'm the one who bear the bill and everything not you! Everymonth ,that pervert useless father support me 300 and aunty 500 and after every expenses.... i only have RM15 left for a month...
You think i'm very satisfy with all these?

I feel totally useless and cant achieve anything when getting along with you all. My only place and activity that can motivate me is my sales partner and my police cadet .. they make me feel like i'm still useful and hopeful.
You just giving my hope away again and again. I know even that hope is just a illusion. Can you just let me live in my illusion and get myself motivated , get a hopeful life to live on, Can you?!

I almost cant breath anymore damn it... because of you ! I almost cannot take it anymore damn it! I never have any backup to support me. People said family support is the strongest.. do i see like i'm having any? I NEVER did ! NEVER HAVE any support from you all ! I'm on my own all the time ! I'm weakling now You understand ?!
I'm almost lost my mind and myself already...

Happy Birthday ,Lay Chia

Happy Birthday Laychia  !
Happy birthday to you.
Sorry last time during my birthday you cannot eat with me also.. now i wanna gather everyone to your birthday party as last time is you the one convince to go with them...end up with a bad ending.
I feel very guilty after that.

Now today is your birthday(supposely is yesterday 30/4/10) , Kugen ,Ah Yeap, KokWai, Yong Han, Sian Ping, Joo Tiew and I go to the "Don't Know Where" to eat steamboat. Very nice. Hope you and Kugen are able to dine in.
Sorry we are late, cause we went to fetch Ah Yeap and then manatahu... Traffic Jam... all the way before Union.

Hehe. Your birthday also same date with another friend of mine. but anyway, Wish you have a Happy Birthday Dinner with all of us today. Happy Birthday !

~March+Test+Interview = Sergeant ~

Today is 28/4/10... my 1st day going for police cadet test and interview.

So nervous.
I was studying for the past few days but to me... everything is like useless... cause i have a feeling that they are not going to ask such questions.

On the current day, wearing full-uniform to school, after that Cikgu Firdaus and i go Padang Tembak police Unit 3 FRU.

Sergeant Ismail give us a short brief that morning and then another ASP give us some short lesson before we can start our objective test. The test paper was prepared by JPNPP and PDRM ?! Walao...

After is the March and Command test.After i report to me officer incharge, i was punished for not cut my hair before this day. When my turn, i believe my sound is the loudest of all.  Heheh.
Aathi, another cadet member said i get 23/30 in the March and command part.
Surprising ? I don't know...

After that we all were worrying about the interview part.
Some other schools been ask for singing the Kadet polis song.
some been ask how to solve situation and so on.
Well.. our turn... the Tuan ASP Abdul Aziz bin Samsudin ask me 2 question only and me only they ask.
Q1: In which year that cadet polis MBS been organise?
Answer: Not sure.
Q2: Who is your jurulatih?
Answer : Don't know.

= = after that, he just lecture us, give us advice and express his disappointment of cadet MBS's attendance. After that he said ok .. can dismiss.End of interview..

What the ....? Thats all?

After we leave that room, Cikgu Hanisha said only 1 din't get any promotion, 3 others get Coperal and Shun get Sergeant.
Lol.. then the other one should get a Ribbon for attending, not?

So tired of today.
But at least now, I'm Sergeant Cadet. Like Sergeant Seng Jui, my idol in Cadet Polis when i enter cadet police in Form 1.

~ Ha Ha ha... haha? ~

hmm.. long time i haven't laugh.

Long time i haven't laugh happily.

Where are the laughters that i had during my form4 and form 5?

I miss those times...

But sadly ... time changes.... time changes every thing..

~A Strange Storm, Strange Prophecy , Terrible Future~

Today is 22/04/10

I saw a strange storm in the East Side...

I never see such a storm in my life before.

The clouds are few, but thunder strike every 0.5 second.

By refer back to what i have learn in High School, Thunder strike then will be follow by the sound.

But so many thunder strike down without and sound.

And yet Wei Chuan also discover thunder strike outside the heave cloud and there are no Heavy Wind Blowing at all.

This is not a natural phenomena at all. And suddenly a few drop of tears flow down my cheek.

He also said that some children in US have been discover talking at themselves with unknown language.

Research conclude that some message is given.

China will have the Most Terrible Drought ever around June.

No human can stand the heat and no human are capable to survive in that condition.

1/4 of China will be a wasteland after this.

Other than that, my brother's girlfriend has recording a short video clip.She said that night, she saw a dark round object below the moon without movement. It's like already enter the earth. She thought that was her blurry eyes but there was no mistake.So she taken down a picture. But after she call my brother, the round flying object was gone.

Prophecy said this time, human was extinguish by unbearable hot air. By this coming 9 month, earth will rises the temperature for 4'C.

By 2012 there will be around 12'C. After 2012 December. Mankind will suffer a winter like freeze due to lives that  lost.


My fear has grow stronger and stronger with each info i get.


So many things i haven't accomplish.

The Lord seems to abandon us for our sinful act all these century.
There is nothing we can do to save  mankind, as they are too arrogant to save the earth.

~ No more ~

It's been some time already.
Once again i feel something come back to me.

My heart's pain came back to me.
I never recover from it.
What a cursed life... When i'll be bless?

Well.... if our Father don't allow me to do so... then so be it. i will not deny His will.

Marriage? I heard it is a wonderful place to go.. wonderful life?
Looks like God has forbidden me to go there, like Devil has been forbidden to go Heaven.

Gods will not give everyone with equal treat.. hmm
i believe now... i believe now....

So, for God sake...I will never going to wear Wedding Ring anymore...

~无能~

无能啊。。。废人一个。。。

你叫我如何这样撑下去？？ 6个月你懂吗？

半年咧。。。不是一个很短的时间。。。

妈的。。。。

我得过这样的生活。。。

像废人一个。。。

~Escaping ~

I currently .. escaping .. 

Escaping from what?

Escaping from Corruption...

Escaping from being Light Bulb...

Escaping from being a Jerk...

Escaping from Attraction...

Escaping from being an obstacle.....

Escaping being Keh Poh... 

Escaping from Jealousy

Escaping from Knowing too Much...

Escaping from everything .. everything that i can escape  away from...

~Tree is Apart Now...~

I everyday... riding my motorcycle... looking around everywhere....
most of the vehicles.. who is in the cars?
Some are single drivers...
some are their boy-friend or girl-friend...
mostly are family..
they going out with their family...
a father... a mother... sisters... brothers.. or even grand parents..
they are blessed..

Well.. they live with their happy family...
i so wish that i can have such family like them..
Father, mother and their children walk around in the hypermarket...
jokes around.. having dinner around...
i so envy the live.... the moment they have..
the moment that everyone having with their family..

I had a family like this before...
but... now..
my mum and dad want to meet each other not because they miss each other or love each others...
they fighting for properties...trying to divorce within this few month
argue..blame...scold... complain... why my family have to go through this ?


i am the youngest of all in my family...
but now.. i heard from my mum... 
i had a younger sibling already...
It might be 1 year old right now...
and... this child... this Child is not from my own Mum...
What the hell is happening with my family...

How can rely on my family now? Troubles here and there... what i left are my other 3 elder brothers and my mother... i couldn't trust my dad now...no matter how famous he was.
I feel great shame for what he's doing... and i feel shameful as his Son...


As i write this now.. i promised to God that i will not act like what my father did in this live... bullied my mom, used my mom, get affair outside... I will not do all these in my entire live..
That is my word and i will never be like him.. Never !

"Tormented Soul"

Tormented soul...
Torturing myself..
Torturing my own soul...

I cannot free myself...
It's so difficult to breath...
Torment comes to my soul through my eyes and ears...
no where i can run
no where i can hide.

I could have cry out loud... for least...
Ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Bad Friday ~

I was just about going to watch Clash of the Titans.... because i'm having a holiday today.... 2/4/10... Good Friday

But this year.. Good Friday is a cloudy day and also a rainy day.. argh... not good at all..

Went to Swang Meng with Amos Lim and Jackie Yeoh. Playing Left 4 Dead 2 until around 6pm.. o gosh... i'm almost late for movie... but nevermind, i didn't buy ticket. But hoh... heavy rain wor... 
zzzz...
Quickly fetch Amos back home and take shelter at his place.. when nearly 9pm... go to have Dinner at Xin Lai Lai with Amos... 

When going back home, was planning to get my jacket... cause I know night time cinema sure is very cold.. even though i can take that cold.


But something happen in the middle of the progress... and somemore... heavy rain.. again...
lol...
i hate this GOOD FRIDAY... Not good at all... Not good.
Now my mum is coming back from KL.. = =


But it's ok i think.. cause i get a God-Sister today.

"Complicated Process ,Simple Answer ~

My friend ask me one question before: "hey Big Bro.. had a girlfriend already ?"

I normally would say: "yup... i had....but i haven't found her... HaHa."

Usually end up to be a comedy scene for my friends that instance.

Now again .. my other friends ask me the same question.

"Hey bro.. so long already.. had a girlfriend already?"

This question no longer be a comedy scene anymore... it's my nightmare now...

"No... i never have any"

"haha.. don't joke la big bro.. you so nice and handsome.. sure got girlfriend already."

I can only throw back a question to him :

"Couple around our age always sms or call each others for almost everyday...Do i seem busy replying people ?"

I do not know why happen to me now... Especially my friend tell me one true fact.. one truth that really hurts my feeling... one truth that can make me really cry out.

"Behind everyone successful man, was a woman.

So Kwang Shun... you should have find a woman already"

I couldn't say anything that time... i was hurt.. 

I never going to search for girlfriend ever again. This thing is  a good , sweet romantic memory for others.. but not me.. not anymore..

This is already turn from a good memory to a haunted memory, a nightmare.This terrible nightmare happens for so many times till i can't even dare to close up my eyes.

For so many times.. i was just a stupid, idiot brainless admirer...

reasons to reject every times was just a very pure explanation.

For everything i have done.. i was just a friend...

Yup.I am a good friend and good friend only.

But..

i never going to break any relations.... i couldn't do it. Even i see my friend success in theirs and i admit I'm really jealous of them.. i so wish i could let them share the same fate as mine.

But one thing appears in my mind: If they really pay more to get this... then they deserve to have it....

In order to avoid all these pain through my sight. What I can do .. is just keep myself away from them..

Any couple appear on sight, then flee i shall.   

I not going to hurt myself through my eyes and ears anymore.

So everyone close by.. i only can say: please... i don't need any relationship .. i don't want  you say you like me now..then when i wanna act.. then you say is too late.. you have your own dream guy.. or something else..

no..

not happening anymore...

My family tree will going to end here.Those who knew.. they'll know what i mean...  Simple Answer

~ Big Brother... is leaving Penang... ~

Well.. my eldest brother is going to leave Penang to Petaling Jaya.. to work in the MOST POPULAR CLINIC'S IN WHOLE KUALA LUMPUR ! Clinic Mediviron
HQ , Seapark...

Even though most of the time.. he is quite annoying, irritating, disturbing..
now he is going to leave... i feel like hard to accept this facts..
Most of the time... he never leaves Penang... Now he depart there to work  while my Aunt  promises to renovate this current house, which i have stay for 17 years and his 33 years....

Well... it's ok actually... i used to be alone for sometime... Now is never an obstacle for me as well. 

He is the most precious one to our grandmas... compare to other brothers...he is the first child in our generation


haha... He is blessed... but i cannot say that i'm damned.. 


I hoped for this day long enough... for his leave... This is his longest leave.. i think...
I certainly wish the best for him. I surely do.. we all do...

~Let the New Era Begin.....~

I know i never was a smart student... i never perform well in my studies after i go to secondary school... 

Some how.. i wonder before.. am i really just lucky ? haha.. maybe... or just i'm too lazy after coming to Secondary school...

Now.. i 'm already in form 6.. this is my last chance to proof myself , that i am ready to be a Student for University.

Even my first school test.. the result aren't so good.. but it ends here... working hard to proof that this is just a mistake , and before this is just of my laziness..   Who said i cannot study? I was just lazy...  ^^

~ Death = Different Angle ~

Losing someone we love or we care.. is very stressful, sad... and mostly feeling lost.

Is like... tearing yourself apart. I know the feeling.


In only 4 years time, i lost my 2 grandmas and my grandpa.

They were like my real parents. They taking care of me since i was 4years old. But how i treat them... is a sin to me. I cannot stand the pain that they left me. I lost my support power. Years passes.. then come another lost again and again.


Until last year, Year 2009. December  7th. I lost a friend... a friend that i can call as my brother. A very strange things happen since then... I barely can listen to his voice. 


He told me not to worry to much for him. He feeling so light, no burden at all. He is watching over us from another angle and later from another place. A better place. I told him go to the God's Light.... He said he will be going soon after the funeral ends.. It is such a strange phenomenon.. i talk with him that few days... After the funeral, he told me it is time to go.. after that i didn't hear his voice anymore.



That day onward.. i believe.. when people pass away.. they don't actually leave us... they still watching over us from another place... a better,  a different angle...

~Let the new Hope Shine Once more ~

Well... holiday started already.... Is just after the most terrifying school test... i have already known my standard for this exam.. i really disappointed with what i get...i feel that i fell into the deepest pit of Tartarus... deeper than hell I went to.

But somehow... My friends didn't give up on me.Supporting pillars... Rains of hopeful stars...Flames of caring  ... all coming in, one-by-one like legions of flying dove carrying letters to me. Overwhelming my message box. My fingers were so tired.

I falling down like falling from the sky like a meteor.
Pain.... despair....ouch...

But now... i have stand up once more, like the Sun,  rises again in the next day. Even though lots and lots of devil , unwanted, unexpected people, consists of people, incident, news, informations always pull me down into the pit.

Yes.. i'm not a perfect person. I may fall again.. but that doesn't matter. The only matter is how fast can i regain my strenght to fight for my path to success.

Thanks to Bob, KokWai, Zixian, Laychia, Joo Tiew. Your support might have the temperary effects for me... but your faith on me never shattered before.
Thank you guys for your support all the time.. i'm have many problemss all these time that make me lost my way...
Now the way has been found once more.

I know this time.. this exam , many feel disappointed.. It's ok.. we will have a better tomorrow.

Let the New Hope Shine Once More !!

~ What I felt... What i see...What I am ~

当男人爱上一个女人，他就不会再爱上任何一个人。当这段感情失败后，他会把这段记忆放在心里，把这个女人放在心底。无论以后他遇到的女人多么优秀，他也不会改变。男人的爱一辈子只会付出一次，一个男人失败的真爱，会伴随他的一生。

When a man loves a woman, he would not again fall in love with any one person. When this feeling after the failure of the memory on the mind he would put this woman on the bottom of my heart. After he met a woman no matter how good, he will not change. A man's love of a lifetime to pay only once, a man failed love, accompanied by his life.

I believe this is true... I have fail once before... until now.. i have never success since then...

Useless... Hopeless... Worthless... Reckless....

Haha.. this is who i was... this is who i am.. this is who i will be.. This is me... as always..

~ I also don't know why ~

I'm not entao .. i know. This issue is not we want eh.. this when we birth like that.. means like tat liao eh..

i'm not good at study .. myself.. i know it eh.. no need you mention i also know.

What ever i do.. i also wrong eh.. i know ! You are elder ma ! You always right eh !!!
You older ma ! You always right eh !
What ever things... i told you.. even is people's fault at first.. you also say is my fault eh ! I know that !

You WERE from Amway , so what ?!
you supposely a Master Doctor in Herbalogy but because of my dad... so what ?!
all i know is just one thing - You were right and we always wrong... especially me.. i'm always wrong !

Yeah ! I can't study eh ! I no use eh ! I'm the youngest eh ! i no experience eh ! i cannot earn money eh ! I only know how to spend money nia eh  ! Ya ! You are right ! I'm useless eh ! I cannot independence eh ! i NEED you all to take care of me eh !

This i cannot do.. that i cannot do.. all need your permission ! But your answer is no ! What the fucking reason i ask from you ?

I'm going out with friends... you said i go waste money with stupid friends...
I go train my kadet, you said me like to do all these useless eh training, no sporting
I go out for sports games, you say i always go out, not at home...
I stay at home, you said i so useless keep facing PC, don want to learn someting new.
I go work, you say me work smart no use
I invest , You say me invest wrong place, wasting time.
i keep money, you say me no brain, why don't go invest ...

Why other people have a happy , rasional , thoughtful family while i only have this fucking , bloody , problematic, love-to-blame eh family !

I hate everyone of you !

~ Well Done my Brother ~

My brother playing forex for more than 3 years...
He finally get himself on top 5 last December competition. He get number 3.
I fell so proud of you brother !


http://fxghosthand.blogspot.com/


You have done a very good job !

Bloody Hell !

What the heck ? So useless  ! I can't believe it !

I study for so...
i din sleep !
Lack of sleep !
Tired !
That 2 test paper... i know how to answer  !

but...

but.....

but my answers are all wrong... my expectation of 50%.. i only get so low...

another paper... i study it for the most.. but..
yes.. so low... my marks are so low.. even myself don't believe i get this.. even KOKWAI oso get 63%.....

God.... where am i now ? I need to work harder next time... mark my word Chaos Caesar !

~ Frostmourne Hungers ! ~

My Blade finally come liao !
My fencing gears and set finally come liao.

Happy ^ ^

My fencing suit ,  glove, mask and most important --- My blade...

My Blade, glove, and Mask  ^^

I'm ready ~

Frostmourne Hunger ~

haha

~ Everyone is down down down...~

Baby are you down down down down down,

Down, down,

Even if the sky is falling down,
Down, down

Ooh (ohhh)

You oughta know, tonight is the night to let it go,

Put on a show, i wanna see how you lose control,

So leave it behind cause we, have a night to get away,

So come on and fly with me, as we make our great escape.

So baby dont worry, you are my only,

You wont be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,

Youll be my only, no need to worry,

Baby are you down down down down down,

Down, Down,

Baby are you down down down down down,

Down, Down,

Even if the sky is falling down,

Just let it be, come on and bring your body next to me,

Ill take you away, hey, turn this place into our private getaway,

So leave it behind cause we, have a night to get away,

So come on and fly with me, as we make our great escape,

(So why dont we run away)

So baby dont worry, you are my only,

You wont be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,

Youll be my only, no need to worry,

Baby are you down down down down down,

Down, Down,

Baby are you down down down down down,

Down, Down,

Even if the sky is falling down,

Even if the sky is falling down like she supposed to be,

She gets down low for me,
Down like her temperature, cause to me she zero degree,

She cold, overfreeze,

I got that girl from overseas,

Now she my miss America,

now can i be her soldier please,

Im fighting for this girl,

Im a battlefield of love,

Dont it look like baby cupid sent his arrows from above,

Dont you ever leave the side of me,

Indefinitely, not probably,

and honestly im down like the economy,

Yeahhhhhh.....

So baby dont worry, you are my only,

You wont be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,

Youll be my only, no need to worry,

Baby are you down down down down down,

Down, Down,

Baby are you down down down down down,

Down, Down,

Even if the sky is falling down...

Everyone is very very down recently... what is happening... everyone is not telling me... perhaps something happens...