~Almost~

Today talk with Laychia in school during MUET lessons.
I really feel disappointed with what she told me.

That moment i nearly drop my tears infront of her.

I'm stubborn... i admit my character...
But i really cant find a way to my problems.
Not that i don't want to be Happier... is i really don't have the mood for smile and laugh.
My mum ask me a question last night: You burrow the jacket from your brother... you buy your fencing set.. but end up you didn't even get to use them... you just wanna own them. Why?

Yea? You don't know why?
Ok.. i tell you why.. Cause i don't have anything left for myself !
You guys keep putting me into trouble and i have to sacrifice my time with my friends just to stay at home let you all lecture me for some stupid reasons? End up again you said is my fault to everything?
You can't even feed yourself with what you have learn and you said you actually can earn lots of money ? Come on... now i'm the one who bear the bill and everything not you! Everymonth ,that pervert useless father support me 300 and aunty 500 and after every expenses.... i only have RM15 left for a month...
You think i'm very satisfy with all these?

I feel totally useless and cant achieve anything when getting along with you all. My only place and activity that can motivate me is my sales partner and my police cadet .. they make me feel like i'm still useful and hopeful.
You just giving my hope away again and again. I know even that hope is just a illusion. Can you just let me live in my illusion and get myself motivated , get a hopeful life to live on, Can you?!

I almost cant breath anymore damn it... because of you ! I almost cannot take it anymore damn it! I never have any backup to support me. People said family support is the strongest.. do i see like i'm having any? I NEVER did ! NEVER HAVE any support from you all ! I'm on my own all the time ! I'm weakling now You understand ?!
I'm almost lost my mind and myself already...