~~ What can i do? Help ? ~~

Zzzz... my thought has turn to much blur now... i cannot see anything... I cannot divine anything....i cannot forseen anything too... Bloody H%LL  ! !

I have started to lost myself... i cannot concentrate anymore... Anger... Down... Lost... Cold... all surrounded me...
like how darkness surround the candle of light...
i cannot feel my power... i cannot feel my strength...
i feel so weak to stand up again...

I have heard my friend calling me... holding out their hand to reach me... but i still couldn't see anything... i couldn't find a way out for myself... i'm trap

Now the darkness has turn to pain... pierce inside of me... so sharp, so hard... so painful... but yet.. i knew i cannot cry .. i cannot falldown...
so... so much suffering...
everyday....
how can i take it... Even a strong tower will crumble one day...

What thing on this earth can make me turn to Paralyse Condition or Unconcious ?

～ 累极了 ，好像离开哦～

发现了一件事 。
我一天不如一天地越来越累…
好像去隐居一阵子，离开现在的困境。
我又不是说不能独立，反正我一路来都是独来独往。
现在的困境，比独立更难受…要不是家里那条…要不是那边的另一条。

他那么喜欢的话…就给了他吧。我很累了，不想要了，不要争了。

他那么喜欢见到人家痛苦…见到我痛苦…见到人人都痛苦，我就给了他吧。
懒得和他挣扎…反正我放手了。

好像趟下去，和汉杰一样…睡着了…多么开心，多么轻松啊…

～事情已不再像当初了，要不是。。。还是放手算了～

很多事情都变了，已经不能像当初一样。


人都变了，口是心非。 人与人之间，距离也远了。
虽然还可以每天见面，还可以每天说话。也能每一天打个招呼：嗨 、哈咯。
但是，我不是笨的，有了距离就是有了距离。


要不是当时。。。今天会有这样的地步吗？
要不是我太。。。会有今天的事情吗？
今天的一切，都是自己所做的。一旦错了，也不能往后退了。





我知道有些朋友很反对我的决定。。。
我只能说：对不起，我已有决定，不会改变。
我放手了。。。
放开一切我认为重要的
放开一切我不停追求的
放开一切会连累我的
放开一切会被人在背后插一刀的
放开一切。。。
因为我放开一切。。。就没有人能伤害到我。

~ Iron Forge ~

I just pass by SUKPEN for the previous month... soon... there will be more and more competition up ahead.... no matter... i've already start my training...



Disappointment
The Knights of Forsaken ... Only 1 shall enter the competition. If they feel that coming for training is a burden... then why even borther come to join in the begining? No matter... the Knight shall fight alone.



My Blades
Measurement has been taken.... payment has been made...  All shall be done ~

~ I change ? Again ? ~

i have been told by a friend recently... I changed... again...

Did i change ? How come myself never realise about it ?

Perhaps... really.. i do need to change... just like how the Jewish  escape from the German attack in WW2... how they escape from their grave danger... they grow stonger and more stronger ... day by day.... year by year.. until now... they are in every corner of the world... they are the strongest...

They changed . The world changed... so do I...

~Look Forward ! Don't Look Behind ! ~

2010 already lo ~
Happy New Year to everyone  !


Each year come by and pass by...
nothing has changes us from who we are
what we have done... cannot be undone...
whatever mistake we did... cannot be undo.


so..
why don't we just look forward?
Look forward for new chances, new hope, new goal !


Learn from your pass... improve your future
Make your life more wonderful and more colourful from your pass and present live ~


YEAH ~ Lets do it ~

~Bye 2009 ; Hello 2010 ~ New Day Has Come ~

A new Day has come...
 Is already been a year... since my form5 life. Time just flow so fast, while we just move so little...

31 December 2008 i'm already in National Service Camp...
i had missed the chance to celebrate with everybody...
But this year... December 2009... i celebrate with my friends outside Queensbay Mall. That place is so crowded. But i love it >.<

A new Year to go... new wishes to make... new goals to achieve... new plan to make... new hope to everything ...

Come on Everybody... 2010 is another year for us . Lets go ~ !

~Time is Running Out ~

My time is almost over...
I still... have not make any decision ....

A decision which is so hard to make....
harder than go to National Service...
harder than decide to join army or not...

harder and harder when i think about everything around...

this sacrifice too big to make...

once i make any decision... 14 years of disappear from my friend.... from everyone...
is either soon or later...

i'm so F#%&ing depress and lost... 

~ 25 December 2009 , Merry Christmas ! ~

Ho Ho HO !! Merry Christmas !!!

 1st time

in these 18 years

on this world....

my friend ask me out for exchange Christmas Present...

What a joyful day ^^

Celebrate Christmas with my friends.

Lay Chia, Joo Tiew , Hui Ying and Zi Xian

Thank you for giving me such a good Chistmas... This is the 1st time i celebrate and 2nd time i receive present on Christmas...

Thank you guys..... Thanks

~ Lone Lone Time Ago~

想起过去的5年前，
外公，三个外婆，，妈妈，表哥，两个阿姨，四个兄弟，
一起坐在一个大大的吃饭桌，
华人新年,就是这样过的。

端午节，外婆会包粽子,冬至会搓汤圆，农历新年会大煮一场
一家人，坐着一起吃团圆饭。
那一种感觉，就如连神仙都无法可享受到的。

今天，2009年了，一个个老人家都走了。没有老人，阿姨们都不回来了，兄弟也开始失去联络了。福建人说：“四散了”

每逢新年，只能看着别人合家人热热闹闹地庆祝; 我却这样冷冷的自己过。

端午节。。。好想念外婆亲手包的粽子喔。

2009年8月起，除了经济上和爸爸要向妈妈讨，我一切都靠自己了。

一个人去上课，回到家还是一个人，自己洗衣烫衣，自己找东西吃.  .   .   自己为自己铺路。

好冷哦。。。一个人独行
好寂寞哦。。。一个人过生活
好闷哦。。。一个人没人陪

圣诞节来着了，难道又要一个人度过？

~你也累了。安息吧，Gabriel 萧汉杰～

今天，2009年12月9日，星期三，下午2.00 pm .... Gabriel在 Batu Gantung 火葬了。他脱离了痛苦，我们应该替他感到高兴。Blood Cancer...八个月...他和 Cancer战了八个月。有哪个人中了血癌还能支持那么久呢？

他从来没放弃过希望，他依然相信希望是还在的。我们这些朋友什么都不能做，只能在他身边陪伴他、支持他、鼓励他、给他希望。

最后，医生和他说，你没希望了。这个打击是如此的令人更快离开，失望， 绝望。 过后，他也支持不住了，离开了我们， 回到他“主”的地方去了。

虽然希望是很少，但他没有放弃过希望。难道我们还有资格说放弃吗？我们还有资格说失望吗？

~Brother Gabriel Seow Han Keat- R.I.P~

Our Beloved Brother  Gabriel Seow Han Keat has leave us and went to a better place today on  07/12/2009  , Monday Evening.

He was a Blood Cancer Patient since April 2009. I still remember that day... i was in KL Thursday.... My friend Chuah Wei Chuan ,called me: "hey when u coming back? Gabriel kena cancer !" I still doubt his word for a while.

After a while... i trusted him through his voice tone.. he was not joking at all...

Gabriel is a brave man...  he knew he had blood cancer But he never give up hope... I can see through his eyes... He still believed he can recover... as we all did. He has already battle with cancer for about 8 months. Normal people couldn't hold that long, 3 months would be a ending.

We tried our best to be at his side... no matter what happen.  But... busy of studies... .busy of working... busy of everything... pull us away from spending time with him...

Now... our beloved brother Gabriel Seow... has return to his Lord's side... he has free himself from illness and torture... he has escaped from this cruel world... to a better place... somewhere more joyful... somewhere much more beautiful... somewhere has no burden to bear...

He will not be alone anymore... he walks along with the Lord from now on...

As we , ourselves will know... he is still living in our memory.

~Rest in Peace Brother Gabriel~

I'm so sure.. none of you.. have ever attend a close friend's funeral...This is not a normal funeral we had attend before...

Appretiate everyone who is a Friend to you , while you can. Before it is too late to say goodbye.

~ Finally ... Victory need Sacrifices~

This Medal... Is not easy to earn...

Sacrifice is needed for Victory

~ Glorius Batlle ~

Today 5th December 2009 , Saturday.... fencing competition is held in Balik Pulau Dewan MPPP in time 1000... i depart from my home in 0830 and arrive in 0912. what a long journey along the mountain...


First part is the Women's Saber... then follow up by Men's Epee.. and finally Women's Foil...
Mine is Epee...


First round... i lost for a point... i'm too nervous... but i learn from my mistake... and i learn from my enemy... i see fear in their eyes... and i know... this is my chance to overcome them... courage fill inside me...
from that moment... many opponent had fall to my blade.


Second round.... eliminating others... so far... so good.. i never lose ever since the first round... Every battle ... i have inflict the fear inside them, make them feel weak, feel lost, feel helpless....even those haven't fight with me... i want to make them to fear me as they have fear from a demon...
This is the way of the Forsaken...

But... indeed... only 1 fencer don't feel that way.  Muhammad Abidin... i still remember the name...
He is the real enemy of mine in this battlefield... He is the one who caught my eye... he is strong... strong enough to conquer fear... i'm very impress with his confident.
We fight our way to the top. I meet with my first opponent who win me for the last time... but not this time brother... not this time...
Finally i really lost... under the blade of this Abidin... he is indeed stronger than me...


In the end, getting a Silver is better than nothing~
I have done my best. Honour and Glory are with me.
If you cannot be the best., at least don't be the worst.


This is the way of the Forsaken...

~ Sword to Sword~

Time have pass so quickly... month by month... week by week... day by day... the clock continues to tick.. time continue to flow...time won't wait for you.. unless u make it useful.

 i don't have much time left.... that day has finally come ... few more hours left... we going to draw our blade together... i'm sure... Nervous has filled in all of us.... like water in a bottle... but there is nothing i can do...
Deman MPPP, Balik Pulau-place we gonna test our skills and might... 

Let it begin.... draw out your swords, take up your shields, mount on your horses. Let the shinning armor of the Knights shine through the battle field, Horses charges through enemy lines....

Let our tomorrow be a glorius day to remember and a tale to tell...

Let it be....