~ Commander- Guards of Honour ~

Today is 24/7/10. Hari Kecemerlangan  for MBS School

I'm suppose to be in school on 7.15am. But for God sake. My handphone's battery is out since last night. Argh !

I woke up on 7.30am. Ah !! 
Dato will be arrive in 8.00am Oh no ! I rush up , Rush to brush my teeth and bla bla bla. Depart in 8.00am. 
Oh gosh.. Sure i'm going to be embarrass in front of everyone right now.

Arriving in School 

Phew .. when i arrive in school , just 8.14am . something like that. and the Dato still haven't arrive. wah ....i quickly adjust my police uniform. phew... 

It's so hard to have a chance to report the Dato as the Commander of the Guard of Honor.
Selamat Pagi Dato...


After that, in the Shaw Hall
The Dato and  Encik give some speech. After that will be price giving 
Yeh Chern, Lay Chia, Joo Tiew, Yi Feng, Ah Kek, Bee Lin, Chee Yeang, Sze Pei, Chi Min, Felicia, Hui Ying and Me gets the price too, but different category. 
heh. Ah Kek ask me wanna wear cap or not. i say: you wear , i wear. he said ON .
he wanna play hormat with me on the stage, haha, no worry, i will take up the gauntlet with you .

A funny thing happen when recieving the price. when Sze Pei is just about to recieve price, she march to the Encik. But when She was about to tap. Her shoe fly off. hahaha ! So funny that moment, whole hall was looking.

After that, I request to leave because ChungHwa Police team has a training and i gotta go there to train them. 

Happy today  ~ 

God Bless and Take Care 

~Alone Now = What's next ? ~

So many undesired things happen lately...

I try so many ways to get past it, but still I found no way to do so.

I change my place to the front.
Is a good thing ? Yes...
Is a bad thing ? Yes too

Why ?

Bad thing first.
I start to talk lesser in class with LayChia, Lina, Chung Lee and the gang back there.
I just change and talk to Yi Feng. And the conversations are only about homework and fencing cases.


Good things are :
I talk lesser to everyone now... I can concentrate to do things on my own.Lesser stupid "counseling" session to my friends due to their Relation problem. Lesser problems I get from them, the happier I am.


Even yesterday I go watch Predator.. I go alone and watch alone. It's so nice, that I don't need to depend on friends to watch this, do that, walk here, walk there, eat that eat this, follow the team.
blah...
Wasting my time with them.
I walk alone, go and peek around in Borders for new interesting books. Just for a book, i have standing there for about an hour.


If I was with my friends... surely they will say I'm so boring for reading such boring books.
Of course boring. Cause you don't know me.


haih...
It's ok actually. Along with you guys makes me feel I'm worthless.
I'm might be a burden to you all. 
It's ok..
Gonna be end soon.


I away from you all. tata...


Hmm... I want to get used  to be alone. It's good for now.. but what happen next ? haha..
nevermind la.

Alone in everything is better.

~ Perhaps ~

Perhaps, I should not lend a hand in the very first place. 
     So that no one will think I'm just an extra hand in the second place.

Perhaps, I shouldn't have to help anyone at all.
     So that I will not be a rubbish bin to them in the end.


Perhaps, I should not teach them to think.
     So that I don't have to think of solution of their problems later.


Perhaps, I should not help them to analysis at all.
    So that I will not cause problem for myself later.


Perhaps , I should Have Let them to Die and rot.
   So that I don't need to care about their lives at all.


Perhaps , I should not be doing good at all.
     So that I am not bad when I did wrong. 


Perhaps......
   I should have stand on my own ground and mind my own business will do. All these are just another ways to put pain on my own ass.



I...


Regret... 

~ Eat Shit Night "

Haiz.... supposely have meeting with f5 frens eh.. manatahu.. weather not good.. cancel lo.
then Chee Yeap come my house.. chat till 2300 hrs like tat.
Go Jelutong Nasmir eat.
Just reach nia Football match finish.

Eat n chat till around 0200 hrs. go home lo..
then ok ... show start oredi :

Reach home, check pocket for my keys, i found out.. i don't have any keys in all my pocket... o no...

And i use the Key locker on the door...
ho sheh liao... i stuck outside my own house.

I send msg to my brother to come over in the morning. Mean while i much more like a Survivor. Join up all the wood n use the cloth with water to join it up..
so IF i get my shirt hanger, I will be in the house then.

But after i try for 1 hour. I used all  the resources around, but still I cant reach the shirt hanger.. haih.. give up.... I sleep in front of the door from 4am to 8 am
hah... 
I saw Wei Chuen's dad come out.. i think he should be wake up already. call him for help... Coz i found out... morning time i have stomach ache.. >.<..

finally brother come...  open the door for me...

walao... i wasted whole night for stuck outside my own house.. Argh ! Never happen again  I swear !

~Start The Count - 126 Days Left ~

Today They ask me go for apartment-stay on 24/7 Saturday.

I so wish I can go. but i have to work-hard every single day. Every moment counts. I cannot loose my hand as the consequences is very terrible.

Even though they are right : Just come out for 1 day, that won't waste much of time right ?
We can only go out now or after 4 months (after STPM) .


yea.. indeed it won't hurt much to me.
But..

I really can't go out anymore. My mum said to me if i could not enter University... all hope is gone.. your family cannot afford you to study College. You are on your own.

If I couldn't enter Uni... I'm a nothing to all my relatives and friends. All my brother's result were top, and mine is the worst among them. My big brother was top, my second brother was top too. my third brother enter U.Just me...


I feel so hard...
don't know what to do. I wish I can go apartment stay with them but my mum insist me to stay.


You all have the very big chance to enter U already. Top in class... another 1 is half way already. Another 2 can afford themselves to overseas. I cant ! If i fail... I have no future anymore damn it....


I'm sorry....

~ Why ? ~

I moody.. really.... no body understand the reason when i told anyone of you.. so what for I telling you all the problem or share to you all ?
You just don't understand !

Now.. only 1 person who is totally understand why I'm so moody all the time. He meets the problem as well.. But just a small part similar to mine...

Really no one understand me... Why... ?

perhaps.. is me the one not understandable for you all....

~ Slap Me ! ! ~

If anyone here thinks that I have been so annoying or so moody... 

Well.. all you have to do .. is just raise up your hand.. then at all of your force.. Take a Big Slap on my face. I will not fight back. 

If I have been always like that.. well.. no need to call me out also.. Is good for all sides.. You all no need see my stupid face and i no need to show my ugly face to you all.. spoil your mood that day. 


Ok ?

~Busy Life Still on Going~

Hm... i wondering why... I'm so busy lately... I'm like.... every moment has its own purpose to spent.

My aunt was sick last week... i should be at KL last 2 week. But due to my greed of fun with my friend. I wasted my time here in Penang. 1 week time.

But when I get KL and meet with my aunt. I have 2 feelings come to me at the same time. First was, i feeling great as my aunt has already recover from her illness.. Second was my brother.
I just learn that my brother is an ASSHOLE. My aunt was sick, but he not just didn't help her clean the house but also pass all the ironing job to my aunt. She was sick ! God damn it !
Ironing the shirt, buy your own lunch, and going to work ... all these just simple things but he still insist my aunt to do all these for him.

A General Manager for the most popular Clinic Mediviron in the Entire KL is ironing all the shirts for a small tiny Human Resource Manager. All these make sense ??
Hope he will learn afterwards that my aunt will not going to help him do all these. because i tell my aunt to be so CRUEL. ^^
am i Cruel enough ? or i want to help him ? who knows ? Only i know ^^

~Relay for Life ~

Relay for Life

On 5th n 6th of June this event was.
Well.. I actually didn't plan to participate this event at all..
for GOD sake. Why would someone participate this boring event at the 1st day of your holiday. Would you ?

Well.. my very 1st thought is : No... I'm not going.. is for Cancer ... I'm not having cancer .there are not relation between me with cancer.

On the other hand. I rejected this thought.
My inner voice tells me: Yes.. even though it didn't related Directly to you, but to your surrounding and life. 
My 2nd grandma was a cancer patient and she died of the pain of cancer. I cannot imagine the pain inside my stomach. She died on 26/10/2007. I could still remember.
My good friend, Gabriel Seow was also a cancer patient- Blood Cancer.

He has been through a hard time but still he cannot make it through his birthday and Christmas.  He died 2 days after 2009 SUKMA finished.. He died after my competition was finish. 7/12/2009. I could still remember...

Thats the two reason why i participate Relay for Life.

My classmates join too. I also need to thank them for joining in as a same team.

These are my School and Classmates ~

Hope I'm still around when next Relay for Life is coming

~ Tormented SouL ~

There is no one can lend a hand;
          Not even my dearest friend.

It feels like my heart, been tear apart;
          It feels like nothing to hold, my shapeless soul.

Now I'm Lost, In the dark and chilling night;
        Many came across, but none was my Knight.

No Where for me to hide, not even the raising Tide;
       no way to avoid, away from this cold void.

My worry, still in my memory;
     no one hear my voice, amng all the noise.
        
But i know, that my soul , will be rescued one day
       When the Skies are brights and stars are array...

~ Haunted Once More ~

Oh ...no.. my heart... pain again... argh ....

The pain come back to haunt me.. why...?

Can't sleep well.. I only can rest my mind after few hours of pain in the cold, chilling night...like a man loses his heart in the sea.... Helpless... 

There will be no answer for this pain ... Only silence and void... be the answer for my torment ...

~End of Torment ,Begin of Joy~

Finally, here comes to the end of these 3 weeks of torment...

coming up would be my STPM Trail , well , don ask what i feel.. i just gonna asnwer : No comment.

Just lend Chee Yeap : Call of Duty 4 n 6.  haiz.. hope u can upgrade yourself in time la. haha

2 weeks of holiday.. is my time to release my stress again.. but not for long for sure as time do not allow me to do so.
Long rest leads to laziness and failure.. I cannot rest for too long.

Must keep my mind on guard all the time.



Yeah ! New Phone ! I got 2 phone with 1 same number...

Nokia 5800 and my SE K700. wo hoo.. i cant use them when ever i like .. ^^ keke.. lots of function than K700 for sure.
Lets get started !

~Sergeant ~

After all these years, i have finally reach the rank i wanna be. I have wait for so many years for these days. 

I have went to Pinang Federal Reserve Unit (FRU) to take my test. 


Thanks to my Commanding Officer Insp/K Cikgu Firdaus and Insp/K Cikgu Hanisha. 

Now.. I'm a Sergeant  Cadet already. 


What i have dream when i was Form 2 in 

ChungHwa has finally come true...

Even though is a bit late for me to be a Sergeant, but I'm quite satisfy with what i have now. 
I still have my duty to teach the others to be another Sergeant after me.

OoRah !

~~A Successful Gathering~~

8/5/2010 Saturday
Is been a long time since my form 5 classmates meet together. 5T1 gathing at 金火涡. 2 Years has pass since 2008 we in the same class, having fun together, playing together.

 Now.. everyone has their own path to go. Some Still studying, Some are already working , some are married, some are great cook... but no matter what.. we are like a big family.

Few cannot make it but i think they really wish they could come. Because we had so much fun last night.

James Lee,Rachel, Edwin, Chee Choong ,Ah Xu and Chin Yong

Billy, Chee Choong and the Girls

Brothers

Everyone, Happily yeah ^^

My gathering with them , makes me feel young again like 17 years old only. hehe..

When will the next gathering be?

~Almost~

Today talk with Laychia in school during MUET lessons.
I really feel disappointed with what she told me.

That moment i nearly drop my tears infront of her.

I'm stubborn... i admit my character...
But i really cant find a way to my problems.
Not that i don't want to be Happier... is i really don't have the mood for smile and laugh.
My mum ask me a question last night: You burrow the jacket from your brother... you buy your fencing set.. but end up you didn't even get to use them... you just wanna own them. Why?

Yea? You don't know why?
Ok.. i tell you why.. Cause i don't have anything left for myself !
You guys keep putting me into trouble and i have to sacrifice my time with my friends just to stay at home let you all lecture me for some stupid reasons? End up again you said is my fault to everything?
You can't even feed yourself with what you have learn and you said you actually can earn lots of money ? Come on... now i'm the one who bear the bill and everything not you! Everymonth ,that pervert useless father support me 300 and aunty 500 and after every expenses.... i only have RM15 left for a month...
You think i'm very satisfy with all these?

I feel totally useless and cant achieve anything when getting along with you all. My only place and activity that can motivate me is my sales partner and my police cadet .. they make me feel like i'm still useful and hopeful.
You just giving my hope away again and again. I know even that hope is just a illusion. Can you just let me live in my illusion and get myself motivated , get a hopeful life to live on, Can you?!

I almost cant breath anymore damn it... because of you ! I almost cannot take it anymore damn it! I never have any backup to support me. People said family support is the strongest.. do i see like i'm having any? I NEVER did ! NEVER HAVE any support from you all ! I'm on my own all the time ! I'm weakling now You understand ?!
I'm almost lost my mind and myself already...