~March+Test+Interview = Sergeant ~

Today is 28/4/10... my 1st day going for police cadet test and interview.

So nervous.
I was studying for the past few days but to me... everything is like useless... cause i have a feeling that they are not going to ask such questions.

On the current day, wearing full-uniform to school, after that Cikgu Firdaus and i go Padang Tembak police Unit 3 FRU.

Sergeant Ismail give us a short brief that morning and then another ASP give us some short lesson before we can start our objective test. The test paper was prepared by JPNPP and PDRM ?! Walao...

After is the March and Command test.After i report to me officer incharge, i was punished for not cut my hair before this day. When my turn, i believe my sound is the loudest of all.  Heheh.
Aathi, another cadet member said i get 23/30 in the March and command part.
Surprising ? I don't know...

After that we all were worrying about the interview part.
Some other schools been ask for singing the Kadet polis song.
some been ask how to solve situation and so on.
Well.. our turn... the Tuan ASP Abdul Aziz bin Samsudin ask me 2 question only and me only they ask.
Q1: In which year that cadet polis MBS been organise?
Answer: Not sure.
Q2: Who is your jurulatih?
Answer : Don't know.

= = after that, he just lecture us, give us advice and express his disappointment of cadet MBS's attendance. After that he said ok .. can dismiss.End of interview..

What the ....? Thats all?

After we leave that room, Cikgu Hanisha said only 1 din't get any promotion, 3 others get Coperal and Shun get Sergeant.
Lol.. then the other one should get a Ribbon for attending, not?

So tired of today.
But at least now, I'm Sergeant Cadet. Like Sergeant Seng Jui, my idol in Cadet Polis when i enter cadet police in Form 1.

~ Ha Ha ha... haha? ~

hmm.. long time i haven't laugh.

Long time i haven't laugh happily.

Where are the laughters that i had during my form4 and form 5?

I miss those times...

But sadly ... time changes.... time changes every thing..

~A Strange Storm, Strange Prophecy , Terrible Future~

Today is 22/04/10

I saw a strange storm in the East Side...

I never see such a storm in my life before.

The clouds are few, but thunder strike every 0.5 second.

By refer back to what i have learn in High School, Thunder strike then will be follow by the sound.

But so many thunder strike down without and sound.

And yet Wei Chuan also discover thunder strike outside the heave cloud and there are no Heavy Wind Blowing at all.

This is not a natural phenomena at all. And suddenly a few drop of tears flow down my cheek.

He also said that some children in US have been discover talking at themselves with unknown language.

Research conclude that some message is given.

China will have the Most Terrible Drought ever around June.

No human can stand the heat and no human are capable to survive in that condition.

1/4 of China will be a wasteland after this.

Other than that, my brother's girlfriend has recording a short video clip.She said that night, she saw a dark round object below the moon without movement. It's like already enter the earth. She thought that was her blurry eyes but there was no mistake.So she taken down a picture. But after she call my brother, the round flying object was gone.

Prophecy said this time, human was extinguish by unbearable hot air. By this coming 9 month, earth will rises the temperature for 4'C.

By 2012 there will be around 12'C. After 2012 December. Mankind will suffer a winter like freeze due to lives that  lost.


My fear has grow stronger and stronger with each info i get.


So many things i haven't accomplish.

The Lord seems to abandon us for our sinful act all these century.
There is nothing we can do to save  mankind, as they are too arrogant to save the earth.

~ No more ~

It's been some time already.
Once again i feel something come back to me.

My heart's pain came back to me.
I never recover from it.
What a cursed life... When i'll be bless?

Well.... if our Father don't allow me to do so... then so be it. i will not deny His will.

Marriage? I heard it is a wonderful place to go.. wonderful life?
Looks like God has forbidden me to go there, like Devil has been forbidden to go Heaven.

Gods will not give everyone with equal treat.. hmm
i believe now... i believe now....

So, for God sake...I will never going to wear Wedding Ring anymore...

~无能~

无能啊。。。废人一个。。。

你叫我如何这样撑下去？？ 6个月你懂吗？

半年咧。。。不是一个很短的时间。。。

妈的。。。。

我得过这样的生活。。。

像废人一个。。。

~Escaping ~

I currently .. escaping .. 

Escaping from what?

Escaping from Corruption...

Escaping from being Light Bulb...

Escaping from being a Jerk...

Escaping from Attraction...

Escaping from being an obstacle.....

Escaping being Keh Poh... 

Escaping from Jealousy

Escaping from Knowing too Much...

Escaping from everything .. everything that i can escape  away from...

~Tree is Apart Now...~

I everyday... riding my motorcycle... looking around everywhere....
most of the vehicles.. who is in the cars?
Some are single drivers...
some are their boy-friend or girl-friend...
mostly are family..
they going out with their family...
a father... a mother... sisters... brothers.. or even grand parents..
they are blessed..

Well.. they live with their happy family...
i so wish that i can have such family like them..
Father, mother and their children walk around in the hypermarket...
jokes around.. having dinner around...
i so envy the live.... the moment they have..
the moment that everyone having with their family..

I had a family like this before...
but... now..
my mum and dad want to meet each other not because they miss each other or love each others...
they fighting for properties...trying to divorce within this few month
argue..blame...scold... complain... why my family have to go through this ?


i am the youngest of all in my family...
but now.. i heard from my mum... 
i had a younger sibling already...
It might be 1 year old right now...
and... this child... this Child is not from my own Mum...
What the hell is happening with my family...

How can rely on my family now? Troubles here and there... what i left are my other 3 elder brothers and my mother... i couldn't trust my dad now...no matter how famous he was.
I feel great shame for what he's doing... and i feel shameful as his Son...


As i write this now.. i promised to God that i will not act like what my father did in this live... bullied my mom, used my mom, get affair outside... I will not do all these in my entire live..
That is my word and i will never be like him.. Never !

"Tormented Soul"

Tormented soul...
Torturing myself..
Torturing my own soul...

I cannot free myself...
It's so difficult to breath...
Torment comes to my soul through my eyes and ears...
no where i can run
no where i can hide.

I could have cry out loud... for least...
Ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Bad Friday ~

I was just about going to watch Clash of the Titans.... because i'm having a holiday today.... 2/4/10... Good Friday

But this year.. Good Friday is a cloudy day and also a rainy day.. argh... not good at all..

Went to Swang Meng with Amos Lim and Jackie Yeoh. Playing Left 4 Dead 2 until around 6pm.. o gosh... i'm almost late for movie... but nevermind, i didn't buy ticket. But hoh... heavy rain wor... 
zzzz...
Quickly fetch Amos back home and take shelter at his place.. when nearly 9pm... go to have Dinner at Xin Lai Lai with Amos... 

When going back home, was planning to get my jacket... cause I know night time cinema sure is very cold.. even though i can take that cold.


But something happen in the middle of the progress... and somemore... heavy rain.. again...
lol...
i hate this GOOD FRIDAY... Not good at all... Not good.
Now my mum is coming back from KL.. = =


But it's ok i think.. cause i get a God-Sister today.

"Complicated Process ,Simple Answer ~

My friend ask me one question before: "hey Big Bro.. had a girlfriend already ?"

I normally would say: "yup... i had....but i haven't found her... HaHa."

Usually end up to be a comedy scene for my friends that instance.

Now again .. my other friends ask me the same question.

"Hey bro.. so long already.. had a girlfriend already?"

This question no longer be a comedy scene anymore... it's my nightmare now...

"No... i never have any"

"haha.. don't joke la big bro.. you so nice and handsome.. sure got girlfriend already."

I can only throw back a question to him :

"Couple around our age always sms or call each others for almost everyday...Do i seem busy replying people ?"

I do not know why happen to me now... Especially my friend tell me one true fact.. one truth that really hurts my feeling... one truth that can make me really cry out.

"Behind everyone successful man, was a woman.

So Kwang Shun... you should have find a woman already"

I couldn't say anything that time... i was hurt.. 

I never going to search for girlfriend ever again. This thing is  a good , sweet romantic memory for others.. but not me.. not anymore..

This is already turn from a good memory to a haunted memory, a nightmare.This terrible nightmare happens for so many times till i can't even dare to close up my eyes.

For so many times.. i was just a stupid, idiot brainless admirer...

reasons to reject every times was just a very pure explanation.

For everything i have done.. i was just a friend...

Yup.I am a good friend and good friend only.

But..

i never going to break any relations.... i couldn't do it. Even i see my friend success in theirs and i admit I'm really jealous of them.. i so wish i could let them share the same fate as mine.

But one thing appears in my mind: If they really pay more to get this... then they deserve to have it....

In order to avoid all these pain through my sight. What I can do .. is just keep myself away from them..

Any couple appear on sight, then flee i shall.   

I not going to hurt myself through my eyes and ears anymore.

So everyone close by.. i only can say: please... i don't need any relationship .. i don't want  you say you like me now..then when i wanna act.. then you say is too late.. you have your own dream guy.. or something else..

no..

not happening anymore...

My family tree will going to end here.Those who knew.. they'll know what i mean...  Simple Answer

~ Big Brother... is leaving Penang... ~

Well.. my eldest brother is going to leave Penang to Petaling Jaya.. to work in the MOST POPULAR CLINIC'S IN WHOLE KUALA LUMPUR ! Clinic Mediviron
HQ , Seapark...

Even though most of the time.. he is quite annoying, irritating, disturbing..
now he is going to leave... i feel like hard to accept this facts..
Most of the time... he never leaves Penang... Now he depart there to work  while my Aunt  promises to renovate this current house, which i have stay for 17 years and his 33 years....

Well... it's ok actually... i used to be alone for sometime... Now is never an obstacle for me as well. 

He is the most precious one to our grandmas... compare to other brothers...he is the first child in our generation


haha... He is blessed... but i cannot say that i'm damned.. 


I hoped for this day long enough... for his leave... This is his longest leave.. i think...
I certainly wish the best for him. I surely do.. we all do...

~Let the New Era Begin.....~

I know i never was a smart student... i never perform well in my studies after i go to secondary school... 

Some how.. i wonder before.. am i really just lucky ? haha.. maybe... or just i'm too lazy after coming to Secondary school...

Now.. i 'm already in form 6.. this is my last chance to proof myself , that i am ready to be a Student for University.

Even my first school test.. the result aren't so good.. but it ends here... working hard to proof that this is just a mistake , and before this is just of my laziness..   Who said i cannot study? I was just lazy...  ^^

~ Death = Different Angle ~

Losing someone we love or we care.. is very stressful, sad... and mostly feeling lost.

Is like... tearing yourself apart. I know the feeling.


In only 4 years time, i lost my 2 grandmas and my grandpa.

They were like my real parents. They taking care of me since i was 4years old. But how i treat them... is a sin to me. I cannot stand the pain that they left me. I lost my support power. Years passes.. then come another lost again and again.


Until last year, Year 2009. December  7th. I lost a friend... a friend that i can call as my brother. A very strange things happen since then... I barely can listen to his voice. 


He told me not to worry to much for him. He feeling so light, no burden at all. He is watching over us from another angle and later from another place. A better place. I told him go to the God's Light.... He said he will be going soon after the funeral ends.. It is such a strange phenomenon.. i talk with him that few days... After the funeral, he told me it is time to go.. after that i didn't hear his voice anymore.



That day onward.. i believe.. when people pass away.. they don't actually leave us... they still watching over us from another place... a better,  a different angle...

~Let the new Hope Shine Once more ~

Well... holiday started already.... Is just after the most terrifying school test... i have already known my standard for this exam.. i really disappointed with what i get...i feel that i fell into the deepest pit of Tartarus... deeper than hell I went to.

But somehow... My friends didn't give up on me.Supporting pillars... Rains of hopeful stars...Flames of caring  ... all coming in, one-by-one like legions of flying dove carrying letters to me. Overwhelming my message box. My fingers were so tired.

I falling down like falling from the sky like a meteor.
Pain.... despair....ouch...

But now... i have stand up once more, like the Sun,  rises again in the next day. Even though lots and lots of devil , unwanted, unexpected people, consists of people, incident, news, informations always pull me down into the pit.

Yes.. i'm not a perfect person. I may fall again.. but that doesn't matter. The only matter is how fast can i regain my strenght to fight for my path to success.

Thanks to Bob, KokWai, Zixian, Laychia, Joo Tiew. Your support might have the temperary effects for me... but your faith on me never shattered before.
Thank you guys for your support all the time.. i'm have many problemss all these time that make me lost my way...
Now the way has been found once more.

I know this time.. this exam , many feel disappointed.. It's ok.. we will have a better tomorrow.

Let the New Hope Shine Once More !!

~ What I felt... What i see...What I am ~

当男人爱上一个女人，他就不会再爱上任何一个人。当这段感情失败后，他会把这段记忆放在心里，把这个女人放在心底。无论以后他遇到的女人多么优秀，他也不会改变。男人的爱一辈子只会付出一次，一个男人失败的真爱，会伴随他的一生。

When a man loves a woman, he would not again fall in love with any one person. When this feeling after the failure of the memory on the mind he would put this woman on the bottom of my heart. After he met a woman no matter how good, he will not change. A man's love of a lifetime to pay only once, a man failed love, accompanied by his life.

I believe this is true... I have fail once before... until now.. i have never success since then...

Useless... Hopeless... Worthless... Reckless....

Haha.. this is who i was... this is who i am.. this is who i will be.. This is me... as always..