Oh ...no.. my heart... pain again... argh ....
The pain come back to haunt me.. why...?
Can't sleep well.. I only can rest my mind after few hours of pain in the cold, chilling night...like a man loses his heart in the sea.... Helpless...
There will be no answer for this pain ... Only silence and void... be the answer for my torment ...
Friday, June 4, 2010
~End of Torment ,Begin of Joy~
Finally, here comes to the end of these 3 weeks of torment...
coming up would be my STPM Trail , well , don ask what i feel.. i just gonna asnwer : No comment.
Just lend Chee Yeap : Call of Duty 4 n 6. haiz.. hope u can upgrade yourself in time la. haha
2 weeks of holiday.. is my time to release my stress again.. but not for long for sure as time do not allow me to do so.
Long rest leads to laziness and failure.. I cannot rest for too long.
Must keep my mind on guard all the time.
Yeah ! New Phone ! I got 2 phone with 1 same number...
Nokia 5800 and my SE K700. wo hoo.. i cant use them when ever i like .. ^^ keke.. lots of function than K700 for sure.
Lets get started !
coming up would be my STPM Trail , well , don ask what i feel.. i just gonna asnwer : No comment.
Just lend Chee Yeap : Call of Duty 4 n 6. haiz.. hope u can upgrade yourself in time la. haha
2 weeks of holiday.. is my time to release my stress again.. but not for long for sure as time do not allow me to do so.
Long rest leads to laziness and failure.. I cannot rest for too long.
Must keep my mind on guard all the time.
Yeah ! New Phone ! I got 2 phone with 1 same number...
Nokia 5800 and my SE K700. wo hoo.. i cant use them when ever i like .. ^^ keke.. lots of function than K700 for sure.
Lets get started !
Thursday, May 20, 2010
~Sergeant ~
After all these years, i have finally reach the rank i wanna be. I have wait for so many years for these days.
Thanks to my Commanding Officer Insp/K Cikgu Firdaus and Insp/K Cikgu Hanisha.
Now.. I'm a Sergeant Cadet already.
What i have dream when i was Form 2 in ChungHwa has finally come true...
I still have my duty to teach the others to be another Sergeant after me.
OoRah !
Sunday, May 9, 2010
~~A Successful Gathering~~
8/5/2010 Saturday
Is been a long time since my form 5 classmates meet together. 5T1 gathing at 金火涡. 2 Years has pass since 2008 we in the same class, having fun together, playing together.
Now.. everyone has their own path to go. Some Still studying, Some are already working , some are married, some are great cook... but no matter what.. we are like a big family.
Few cannot make it but i think they really wish they could come. Because we had so much fun last night.
Is been a long time since my form 5 classmates meet together. 5T1 gathing at 金火涡. 2 Years has pass since 2008 we in the same class, having fun together, playing together.
Now.. everyone has their own path to go. Some Still studying, Some are already working , some are married, some are great cook... but no matter what.. we are like a big family.
Few cannot make it but i think they really wish they could come. Because we had so much fun last night.
James Lee,Rachel, Edwin, Chee Choong ,Ah Xu and Chin Yong
Billy, Chee Choong and the Girls
Brothers
Everyone, Happily yeah ^^
My gathering with them , makes me feel young again like 17 years old only. hehe..
When will the next gathering be?
Friday, May 7, 2010
~Almost~
Today talk with Laychia in school during MUET lessons.
I really feel disappointed with what she told me.
That moment i nearly drop my tears infront of her.
I'm stubborn... i admit my character...
But i really cant find a way to my problems.
Not that i don't want to be Happier... is i really don't have the mood for smile and laugh.
My mum ask me a question last night: You burrow the jacket from your brother... you buy your fencing set.. but end up you didn't even get to use them... you just wanna own them. Why?
Yea? You don't know why?
Ok.. i tell you why.. Cause i don't have anything left for myself !
You guys keep putting me into trouble and i have to sacrifice my time with my friends just to stay at home let you all lecture me for some stupid reasons? End up again you said is my fault to everything?
You can't even feed yourself with what you have learn and you said you actually can earn lots of money ? Come on... now i'm the one who bear the bill and everything not you! Everymonth ,that pervert useless father support me 300 and aunty 500 and after every expenses.... i only have RM15 left for a month...
You think i'm very satisfy with all these?
I feel totally useless and cant achieve anything when getting along with you all. My only place and activity that can motivate me is my sales partner and my police cadet .. they make me feel like i'm still useful and hopeful.
You just giving my hope away again and again. I know even that hope is just a illusion. Can you just let me live in my illusion and get myself motivated , get a hopeful life to live on, Can you?!
I almost cant breath anymore damn it... because of you ! I almost cannot take it anymore damn it! I never have any backup to support me. People said family support is the strongest.. do i see like i'm having any? I NEVER did ! NEVER HAVE any support from you all ! I'm on my own all the time ! I'm weakling now You understand ?!
I'm almost lost my mind and myself already...
I really feel disappointed with what she told me.
That moment i nearly drop my tears infront of her.
I'm stubborn... i admit my character...
But i really cant find a way to my problems.
Not that i don't want to be Happier... is i really don't have the mood for smile and laugh.
My mum ask me a question last night: You burrow the jacket from your brother... you buy your fencing set.. but end up you didn't even get to use them... you just wanna own them. Why?
Yea? You don't know why?
Ok.. i tell you why.. Cause i don't have anything left for myself !
You guys keep putting me into trouble and i have to sacrifice my time with my friends just to stay at home let you all lecture me for some stupid reasons? End up again you said is my fault to everything?
You can't even feed yourself with what you have learn and you said you actually can earn lots of money ? Come on... now i'm the one who bear the bill and everything not you! Everymonth ,that pervert useless father support me 300 and aunty 500 and after every expenses.... i only have RM15 left for a month...
You think i'm very satisfy with all these?
I feel totally useless and cant achieve anything when getting along with you all. My only place and activity that can motivate me is my sales partner and my police cadet .. they make me feel like i'm still useful and hopeful.
You just giving my hope away again and again. I know even that hope is just a illusion. Can you just let me live in my illusion and get myself motivated , get a hopeful life to live on, Can you?!
I almost cant breath anymore damn it... because of you ! I almost cannot take it anymore damn it! I never have any backup to support me. People said family support is the strongest.. do i see like i'm having any? I NEVER did ! NEVER HAVE any support from you all ! I'm on my own all the time ! I'm weakling now You understand ?!
I'm almost lost my mind and myself already...
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Happy Birthday ,Lay Chia
Happy Birthday Laychia !
Happy birthday to you.
Sorry last time during my birthday you cannot eat with me also.. now i wanna gather everyone to your birthday party as last time is you the one convince to go with them...end up with a bad ending.
I feel very guilty after that.
Now today is your birthday(supposely is yesterday 30/4/10) , Kugen ,Ah Yeap, KokWai, Yong Han, Sian Ping, Joo Tiew and I go to the "Don't Know Where" to eat steamboat. Very nice. Hope you and Kugen are able to dine in.
Sorry we are late, cause we went to fetch Ah Yeap and then manatahu... Traffic Jam... all the way before Union.
Hehe. Your birthday also same date with another friend of mine. but anyway, Wish you have a Happy Birthday Dinner with all of us today. Happy Birthday !
Happy birthday to you.
Sorry last time during my birthday you cannot eat with me also.. now i wanna gather everyone to your birthday party as last time is you the one convince to go with them...end up with a bad ending.
I feel very guilty after that.
Now today is your birthday(supposely is yesterday 30/4/10) , Kugen ,Ah Yeap, KokWai, Yong Han, Sian Ping, Joo Tiew and I go to the "Don't Know Where" to eat steamboat. Very nice. Hope you and Kugen are able to dine in.
Sorry we are late, cause we went to fetch Ah Yeap and then manatahu... Traffic Jam... all the way before Union.
Hehe. Your birthday also same date with another friend of mine. but anyway, Wish you have a Happy Birthday Dinner with all of us today. Happy Birthday !
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
~March+Test+Interview = Sergeant ~
Today is 28/4/10... my 1st day going for police cadet test and interview.
So nervous.
I was studying for the past few days but to me... everything is like useless... cause i have a feeling that they are not going to ask such questions.
On the current day, wearing full-uniform to school, after that Cikgu Firdaus and i go Padang Tembak police Unit 3 FRU.
Sergeant Ismail give us a short brief that morning and then another ASP give us some short lesson before we can start our objective test. The test paper was prepared by JPNPP and PDRM ?! Walao...
After is the March and Command test.After i report to me officer incharge, i was punished for not cut my hair before this day. When my turn, i believe my sound is the loudest of all. Heheh.
Aathi, another cadet member said i get 23/30 in the March and command part.
Surprising ? I don't know...
After that we all were worrying about the interview part.
Some other schools been ask for singing the Kadet polis song.
some been ask how to solve situation and so on.
Well.. our turn... the Tuan ASP Abdul Aziz bin Samsudin ask me 2 question only and me only they ask.
Q1: In which year that cadet polis MBS been organise?
Answer: Not sure.
Q2: Who is your jurulatih?
Answer : Don't know.
= = after that, he just lecture us, give us advice and express his disappointment of cadet MBS's attendance. After that he said ok .. can dismiss.End of interview..
What the ....? Thats all?
After we leave that room, Cikgu Hanisha said only 1 din't get any promotion, 3 others get Coperal and Shun get Sergeant.
Lol.. then the other one should get a Ribbon for attending, not?
So tired of today.
But at least now, I'm Sergeant Cadet. Like Sergeant Seng Jui, my idol in Cadet Polis when i enter cadet police in Form 1.
So nervous.
I was studying for the past few days but to me... everything is like useless... cause i have a feeling that they are not going to ask such questions.
On the current day, wearing full-uniform to school, after that Cikgu Firdaus and i go Padang Tembak police Unit 3 FRU.
Sergeant Ismail give us a short brief that morning and then another ASP give us some short lesson before we can start our objective test. The test paper was prepared by JPNPP and PDRM ?! Walao...
After is the March and Command test.After i report to me officer incharge, i was punished for not cut my hair before this day. When my turn, i believe my sound is the loudest of all. Heheh.
Aathi, another cadet member said i get 23/30 in the March and command part.
Surprising ? I don't know...
After that we all were worrying about the interview part.
Some other schools been ask for singing the Kadet polis song.
some been ask how to solve situation and so on.
Well.. our turn... the Tuan ASP Abdul Aziz bin Samsudin ask me 2 question only and me only they ask.
Q1: In which year that cadet polis MBS been organise?
Answer: Not sure.
Q2: Who is your jurulatih?
Answer : Don't know.
= = after that, he just lecture us, give us advice and express his disappointment of cadet MBS's attendance. After that he said ok .. can dismiss.End of interview..
What the ....? Thats all?
After we leave that room, Cikgu Hanisha said only 1 din't get any promotion, 3 others get Coperal and Shun get Sergeant.
Lol.. then the other one should get a Ribbon for attending, not?
So tired of today.
But at least now, I'm Sergeant Cadet. Like Sergeant Seng Jui, my idol in Cadet Polis when i enter cadet police in Form 1.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
~ Ha Ha ha... haha? ~
hmm.. long time i haven't laugh.
Long time i haven't laugh happily.
Where are the laughters that i had during my form4 and form 5?
I miss those times...
But sadly ... time changes.... time changes every thing..
Long time i haven't laugh happily.
Where are the laughters that i had during my form4 and form 5?
I miss those times...
But sadly ... time changes.... time changes every thing..
Thursday, April 22, 2010
~A Strange Storm, Strange Prophecy , Terrible Future~
Today is 22/04/10
I saw a strange storm in the East Side...
I never see such a storm in my life before.
The clouds are few, but thunder strike every 0.5 second.
By refer back to what i have learn in High School, Thunder strike then will be follow by the sound.
But so many thunder strike down without and sound.
And yet Wei Chuan also discover thunder strike outside the heave cloud and there are no Heavy Wind Blowing at all.
This is not a natural phenomena at all. And suddenly a few drop of tears flow down my cheek.
He also said that some children in US have been discover talking at themselves with unknown language.
Research conclude that some message is given.China will have the Most Terrible Drought ever around June.
No human can stand the heat and no human are capable to survive in that condition.
1/4 of China will be a wasteland after this.
Other than that, my brother's girlfriend has recording a short video clip.She said that night, she saw a dark round object below the moon without movement. It's like already enter the earth. She thought that was her blurry eyes but there was no mistake.So she taken down a picture. But after she call my brother, the round flying object was gone.
Prophecy said this time, human was extinguish by unbearable hot air. By this coming 9 month, earth will rises the temperature for 4'C.
By 2012 there will be around 12'C. After 2012 December. Mankind will suffer a winter like freeze due to lives that lost.My fear has grow stronger and stronger with each info i get.
So many things i haven't accomplish.
The Lord seems to abandon us for our sinful act all these century.
There is nothing we can do to save mankind, as they are too arrogant to save the earth.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
~ No more ~
It's been some time already.
Once again i feel something come back to me.
My heart's pain came back to me.
I never recover from it.
What a cursed life... When i'll be bless?
Well.... if our Father don't allow me to do so... then so be it. i will not deny His will.
Marriage? I heard it is a wonderful place to go.. wonderful life?
Looks like God has forbidden me to go there, like Devil has been forbidden to go Heaven.
Gods will not give everyone with equal treat.. hmm
i believe now... i believe now....
So, for God sake...I will never going to wear Wedding Ring anymore...
Once again i feel something come back to me.
My heart's pain came back to me.
I never recover from it.
What a cursed life... When i'll be bless?
Well.... if our Father don't allow me to do so... then so be it. i will not deny His will.
Marriage? I heard it is a wonderful place to go.. wonderful life?
Looks like God has forbidden me to go there, like Devil has been forbidden to go Heaven.
Gods will not give everyone with equal treat.. hmm
i believe now... i believe now....
So, for God sake...I will never going to wear Wedding Ring anymore...
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
~Escaping ~
I currently .. escaping ..
Escaping from what?
Escaping from Corruption...
Escaping from being Light Bulb...
Escaping from being a Jerk...
Escaping from Attraction...
Escaping from being an obstacle.....
Escaping being Keh Poh...
Escaping from Jealousy
Escaping from Knowing too Much...
Escaping from Jealousy
Escaping from Knowing too Much...
Escaping from everything .. everything that i can escape away from...
~Tree is Apart Now...~
I everyday... riding my motorcycle... looking around everywhere....
most of the vehicles.. who is in the cars?
Some are single drivers...
some are their boy-friend or girl-friend...
mostly are family..
they going out with their family...
a father... a mother... sisters... brothers.. or even grand parents..
they are blessed..
Well.. they live with their happy family...
i so wish that i can have such family like them..
Father, mother and their children walk around in the hypermarket...
jokes around.. having dinner around...
i so envy the live.... the moment they have..
the moment that everyone having with their family..
I had a family like this before...
but... now..
my mum and dad want to meet each other not because they miss each other or love each others...
they fighting for properties...trying to divorce within this few month
argue..blame...scold... complain... why my family have to go through this ?
i am the youngest of all in my family...
but now.. i heard from my mum...
i had a younger sibling already...
It might be 1 year old right now...
and... this child... this Child is not from my own Mum...
What the hell is happening with my family...
How can rely on my family now? Troubles here and there... what i left are my other 3 elder brothers and my mother... i couldn't trust my dad now...no matter how famous he was.
I feel great shame for what he's doing... and i feel shameful as his Son...
As i write this now.. i promised to God that i will not act like what my father did in this live... bullied my mom, used my mom, get affair outside... I will not do all these in my entire live..
That is my word and i will never be like him.. Never !
most of the vehicles.. who is in the cars?
Some are single drivers...
some are their boy-friend or girl-friend...
mostly are family..
they going out with their family...
a father... a mother... sisters... brothers.. or even grand parents..
they are blessed..
Well.. they live with their happy family...
i so wish that i can have such family like them..
Father, mother and their children walk around in the hypermarket...
jokes around.. having dinner around...
i so envy the live.... the moment they have..
the moment that everyone having with their family..
I had a family like this before...
but... now..
my mum and dad want to meet each other not because they miss each other or love each others...
they fighting for properties...trying to divorce within this few month
argue..blame...scold... complain... why my family have to go through this ?
i am the youngest of all in my family...
but now.. i heard from my mum...
i had a younger sibling already...
It might be 1 year old right now...
and... this child... this Child is not from my own Mum...
What the hell is happening with my family...
How can rely on my family now? Troubles here and there... what i left are my other 3 elder brothers and my mother... i couldn't trust my dad now...no matter how famous he was.
I feel great shame for what he's doing... and i feel shameful as his Son...
As i write this now.. i promised to God that i will not act like what my father did in this live... bullied my mom, used my mom, get affair outside... I will not do all these in my entire live..
That is my word and i will never be like him.. Never !
Monday, April 5, 2010
"Tormented Soul"
Tormented soul...
Torturing myself..
Torturing my own soul...
I cannot free myself...
It's so difficult to breath...
Torment comes to my soul through my eyes and ears...
no where i can run
no where i can hide.
I could have cry out loud... for least...
Ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Torturing myself..
Torturing my own soul...
I cannot free myself...
It's so difficult to breath...
Torment comes to my soul through my eyes and ears...
no where i can run
no where i can hide.
I could have cry out loud... for least...
Ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
~Bad Friday ~
I was just about going to watch Clash of the Titans.... because i'm having a holiday today.... 2/4/10... Good Friday
But this year.. Good Friday is a cloudy day and also a rainy day.. argh... not good at all..
Went to Swang Meng with Amos Lim and Jackie Yeoh. Playing Left 4 Dead 2 until around 6pm.. o gosh... i'm almost late for movie... but nevermind, i didn't buy ticket. But hoh... heavy rain wor...
zzzz...
Quickly fetch Amos back home and take shelter at his place.. when nearly 9pm... go to have Dinner at Xin Lai Lai with Amos...
When going back home, was planning to get my jacket... cause I know night time cinema sure is very cold.. even though i can take that cold.
But something happen in the middle of the progress... and somemore... heavy rain.. again...
lol...
i hate this GOOD FRIDAY... Not good at all... Not good.
Now my mum is coming back from KL.. = =
But it's ok i think.. cause i get a God-Sister today.
But this year.. Good Friday is a cloudy day and also a rainy day.. argh... not good at all..
Went to Swang Meng with Amos Lim and Jackie Yeoh. Playing Left 4 Dead 2 until around 6pm.. o gosh... i'm almost late for movie... but nevermind, i didn't buy ticket. But hoh... heavy rain wor...
zzzz...
Quickly fetch Amos back home and take shelter at his place.. when nearly 9pm... go to have Dinner at Xin Lai Lai with Amos...
When going back home, was planning to get my jacket... cause I know night time cinema sure is very cold.. even though i can take that cold.
But something happen in the middle of the progress... and somemore... heavy rain.. again...
lol...
i hate this GOOD FRIDAY... Not good at all... Not good.
Now my mum is coming back from KL.. = =
But it's ok i think.. cause i get a God-Sister today.
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